Evil Eye

So, for all of you who have been keeping track, I did get my job at the county. Today was my first day back. I found out I don't have to go through any more initial training, until there's mandatory training later in the year, which is awesome, and I got moved up to the next pay bracket (about $1 more per hour), which is even more awesome. Problems?.......I haven't had a decent night's sleep since I got the call about a week ago. And it's still completely temporary, which means I might get laid off at any time. The program director said they should be able to keep me 6 months or so like they did last time, but not to take bets on anything. Not those words precisely, but that same idea. Which I kinda figured, I just wanted to be wrong about it. I'm not ready to eat anyone's soul yet, considering it was my first day back, but the way the Mojave SSWs were talking I might be ready to by next Tuesday. Although I must admit, I was touched. Apparently the supervisor that's out there, as well as some others, were given a list of HSAs that got laid off and were asked if they wanted to advocate for any of them. So the supervisor and one of the SSWs made sure to advocate for me. That made me feel good. :)

So, less than two weeks for Cirque. I'm happy about it. And with any luck I'll be able to go to San Bernadino that same weekend to meet up with my other friend. I'm gonna be a social butterfly that weekend. Not that its discouraged, mind you, but hopefully my immune system doesn't totally crash on me beforehand. Haven't gotten my flu shot yet. I don't think I'm gonna get the Miss Piggy shot, but it probably wouldn't hurt to have a regular one. Just in case. -_-; I hate needles.

"Evil Eye"-Sleepy Hollow soundtrack

Chim-Chim-Cheree

Yeah, just...random song. 'Cuz I could. Anyway, I'm just about done with my online classes. I don't think I'll be able to finish up the degree. I haven't been able to focus much, if at all, for the completely online environment. Still job searching, and there's a possibility I'll be able to go back to the county job. I was contacted last week about it, and I should hear back sometime this week. If you can't cross your fingers, maybe you could cross your eyes for me. I'd be mighty appreciative. :)

Let me see, for my birthday I got calls and text messages, which I appreciate, and went to a family friend's house for drinks. And the next day we had a barbeque: the bbq was mom's idea, and the menu was mine. And what did we have? Beer-butt chicken, corn on the cob, the baked beans that my mom makes, homemade apple pie, and I put together a peach/grape slushie, with the grapes from our vine in the back. Additionally, I got to go to Disneyland that Wednesday. What one of my aunts has been doing is taking people to Disneyland for their birthdays, sometimes in groups and sometimes one-on-one. So, YAY DISNEY!!! And we went to California Adventure, which I had never been to. Favorite rides: California Screamin', Tower of Terror, and the Toy Story ride. Come on, the last one's a 3-d shooting gallery. How could I NOT like it?

I wasn't aware of this until my aunt started doing this earlier this year, but I guess the fad is pin-trading. You bring a lanyard of pins, and trade them w/the workers. If I remember to do this next time, I'll have to get different pins. I like the ones I have, which means I don't want to trade them. :) I'm hoping to hit Ren Faire this month, but I'm not sure. However, I do get to go to Cirque with one of my friends-it will be AWESOME!!!! And this year's Hallow's Eve costume, for the Halloween party I'm going to w/my parents, is *cue drum roll* *continue*

DEATH, FROM NEIL GAIMAN!!! *party poppers & fireworks in background* I'm looking forward to it, aren't you? :-D

"Chim-Chim-Cheree"-Mary Poppins

Istanbul (Not Constantinople)

So, I decided to forgo my normal doom-and-gloom post for right now. How do people think history should be studied? The class I'm taking is focusing on different methods, and I just read that apparently there's 3 main streams of historical thought.

1-archiving, researching, what we are learning/learned to do in the university
2-a more romantic, nation-based, almost patriotic history
3-everything else under the sun that can be made abstract one way or other

As far as I'm concerned, generally people will take a more romantic view of history because people can be extremely romantic in one thing or other (even me). But you really can't study history from just one of those streams, so there's no real right way to study it. ??? Any thoughts???

"Istanbul (Not Constantinople)"-They Might Be Giants

Hung by the High Gallows Tree

Well, not quite hung but close enough. So, the June 2nd meeting happened. They told us pretty much nothing about the budget. That was on a Tuesday. Everyone that was extra help got a call about 4 pm Wednesday night that the program director wanted to see us at 8:30 the next morning. Another couple aides and myself started being nosy and seeing if any of the supervisors or social workers knew what the director wanted to talk to us about, but to no avail. Come Thursday at 8:30, we get told we'll be laid off on the 30th.

Fabulous, right?

So, what happened next? *cue dramatic music* I got really down and did something I try not to do often: retail therapy. I picked up some curtains to finish off my room (as much as I can right now), got 300+ photos developed, and a couple other things. So, after the spending spree was over, I figured I may as well start job searching again or get enrolled back in school. As of right now, I am enrolled in the Grand Canyon University, the online degree option. Today is actually supposed to be the first day of class. We'll see how it pans out.

As for job searching, I've been sort of looking since about April when a lot of the budget stuff really came to light, but I need to start actively searching. I'm just not looking forward to being back at ground zero. But on the happy scale, I'm going to Avila with my family. My dad & I actually leave on Wednesday and the rest of the family (yes, including the dogs) will be coming up on Friday. And in October I get to go to Cirque. YAY!! I might even have a job by then!!

"Hung by the High Gallows Tree"-Poxy Boggards

Ball of Confusion

Well, here's my second May post. I know it's not the season of miracles, but that's why they're called miracles, right?

Anyway, graduation weekend was a lot of fun. Cosmic bowling the night I get up there, graduation and bbq the next day, and a full day at the beach after that. Then I had to go back, which wasn't so happy, but it still had to happen.

I just don't know what's going to happen now. There's a couple things I probably should have said, but I choked up at the last minute. I'm not regretting choking up, but I was definitely irritated about it. Not as much any more, but just slightly.

And I've been doing some more thinking. I had the blues the other day when I realized I couldn't actually move out right now if I still wanted to start paying back my student loans on time. Which I don't know if I'm going to be able to make continuous payments, which worries me. I don't want to start paying until I know I'll be able to pay them off in full on a constant basis. I'm going to have to look again at what options I have to defer them. I know what a couple are, but I'm gonna have to talk to somebody and find out some more info.

I also know I'm not as emotionally...flatlined? constant? steady?....as I used to be. On some levels that's good (I'm sure), but on others it's very unsettling (I'm very sure). I'm thinking it's probably just because of where I am in my life and what I've been thinking about, but it's still something I don't really want to deal with. A good portion of it most probably comes from the job because I generally don't talk about my job. Not even to my parents, my mom specifically. Which is something I normally do. In one sense it's good I'm relearning how to deal with things on my own but saddening to realize that I've become that much more closed with my parents.

Help?

"Ball of Confusion"-The Temptations (maybe)

Next Go Round

Welcome to May. Notice that this is at the beginning of the month instead of, say, the last day/night of the month. Aren't you proud of me?

Anyway, went to Ren Faire last weekend. Always fun. Got to see a couple friends of mine. Also always fun. And thought provoking. Something that one of my friends said (it was a really bad day for her) was "isn't it morbid that we've come to this point in our lives?" Just because I agree with her doesn't mean I like hearing it voiced!!!

Yes, I'm at a better place than I have been. Yes, I have half a small chance of getting into a permanent position in the county. However, one of those chances was as a social worker. Something which I have never and still do not want to do. Especially after being their gopher. So even if I do get it (which I'm not counting on), I'd be miserable. I'd make the best of it that I could, but I would be absolutely unhappy doing it. Sometimes it doesn't pay to have a good idea of who I am or what I like because of situations like this.

But, that's in the future. In the immediate future, I'm heading back up to Monterey to see my friends graduate (yay!!!). Although I'm thinking of getting a massage on the way up or on the way back down. I've gotten to the point where I can physically feel the tension around my neck and on my shoulders, which is never good.

However, none of this means I'm allowed to give up. I'm still weirded out by the very definite fact that I graduated college a year ago. And that I'm now watching friends that I came in with, graduate. I'm hoping to not feel lost again, but I think I'm starting to feel the vestiges of it. That, and I've been looking at apartments/studios/condos in SLO. Since I don't think that I'll be able to move out of CA after I move out of Tehachapi, I would love to be in San Luis. I don't mind Monterey, but I'm a mountain girl. I need a place with mountains. Which San Luis has. And Hearst Castle, and the awesome comic book shop, and a gazillion coffee shop things, and late hours, and....you can see where I'm going with this.

But, as with everything else, it depends on my job. Or where the job market takes me. And I'll have some more info about what's going on with the Kern County budget after June 2nd. They're holding an all-staff meeting, attendance mandatory unless otherwise excused. So I'm sure I'll have a couple things to say after that.

"Next Go Round"-Nickelback

Roll the Chariot Along

So, here it is! *cue trumpet* The fantastic, new, APRIL blog!!!!

...Yeah, I'm sure you're all jumping up and down in anticipation. Anyway, I FINALLY own my own bed-YAY!!!! I'm no longer sleeping on a futon. Which I am absolutely stoked about. And I've managed to rearrange my room into something that resembles a miniature living room. I've still got the futon in there, but I've got my tv set up so I can watch from the futon, my movies, various endtables, and my stereo. I am happy that I've got something that feels more like my room now.

My cats are spastic as ever. It's kind of sad when you know that the older cat is the smartest of the bunch-and she's none too bright to start with. Oh well. C'est la vie.

Although I'm currently employed with the county, I've been looking at other jobs because I'm not counting on job security past June, when the new fiscal year starts on July 1st. We'll see what happens, but just to be on the safe side....Besides, I need to start paying off my student loans. Which also starts in July. You can see my problem.

Although I didn't get into JET, my friend in Monterey did (you know who you are!!), for which I'm glad. If things get somewhat better, I might actually be able to hop a flight there and stay for a little bit. I dunno, maybe a week. If I'm flying out of country, gotta make it worth it, you know?

And I was able to make my trip to Monterey this month. If my supervisor ever gets back to me, I'll also be able to hit Ren Faire this weekend or next. Can't do it the weekend of the 16th, because I'll be back in Monterey for my friends' graduation. Speaking of, you know how weird it is to come to the realization that I've been graduated for a year? I've got very mixed feelings about it. I just...it's very mixed. *shrug* Oh well. When I feel the need to get it off my chest I'm sure I will. To leave everyone with a happy thought though, remember: knowledge is power. Power is corruptive. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. If you become an absolute scholar, then you have absolutely corrupted power. But at that point, the spectrum of good and evil is so far beneath you that you don't have to worry about being moralistic.

Have a nice day. :)

"Roll the Chariot Along"-Seamus Kennedy

Hymn of the Fayth

Well, it's the end of March but it's still in March. Maybe I'll even get a couple blogs in for April. No, I wouldn't hold my breath if I were you either.

Job's going fairly well. I've lucked out in the sense I've only had a few REALLY bad days where it took me at least half a drink to calm down. Of course, something that makes it easier is laughing at it. In reality my job actually kinda sucks emotionally/mentally/zen-wise, but the trick is distancing yourself. Most of my coworkers don't understand this concept, but a couple that I sort of hang with do.

Why do I say that? I don't know who's still reading this (see last post) but the majority of what I do is supervise visits between parents and their kids, who have been taken away from the parents. Each case is different, but some are harder to deal with than others. If you let it get to you, that is. I'm fairly successful in not letting that happen.

On the upside, I did get to go to Monterey this month. I was stoked about it 'cuz I needed a vacation. Didn't stay as long as I wanted, but such is life. I'm planning on showing up again in April. I know some of my friends aren't doing that great, so I wish them good health and best of luck, esp. in troubled times.

Oh, and EternalPuppy! I BEAT THE GAME!!! I ROCK!!! Your turn. :)

"Hymn of the Fayth"-Final Fantasy X soundtrack

Work in Progress

So, here's the deal for those that don't already know: I am no longer working at KMart, and am now working for Kern County. I essentially hold the position of a glorified gopher, but for what they're paying me I'm willing to take it. And if anyone I know is still reading this blog, thank you. I doubt my blog is one that random people on the internet would have stumbled upon, but just in case.

I'm a "work in progress" because I'm slowly pulling myself back together again. I'm going to do some major rearranging so I'm no longer living in a storage unit, I got a friend for my cat so both my girls love me now, I'm trying to work again on my relationship with my brother, and in general just pulling myself back onto my feet. I probably should have asked for more help than I actually did, but for those that helped anyway, thank you.

"Work in Progress"-Alan Jackson