Ball of Confusion

Well, here's my second May post. I know it's not the season of miracles, but that's why they're called miracles, right?

Anyway, graduation weekend was a lot of fun. Cosmic bowling the night I get up there, graduation and bbq the next day, and a full day at the beach after that. Then I had to go back, which wasn't so happy, but it still had to happen.

I just don't know what's going to happen now. There's a couple things I probably should have said, but I choked up at the last minute. I'm not regretting choking up, but I was definitely irritated about it. Not as much any more, but just slightly.

And I've been doing some more thinking. I had the blues the other day when I realized I couldn't actually move out right now if I still wanted to start paying back my student loans on time. Which I don't know if I'm going to be able to make continuous payments, which worries me. I don't want to start paying until I know I'll be able to pay them off in full on a constant basis. I'm going to have to look again at what options I have to defer them. I know what a couple are, but I'm gonna have to talk to somebody and find out some more info.

I also know I'm not as emotionally...flatlined? constant? steady?....as I used to be. On some levels that's good (I'm sure), but on others it's very unsettling (I'm very sure). I'm thinking it's probably just because of where I am in my life and what I've been thinking about, but it's still something I don't really want to deal with. A good portion of it most probably comes from the job because I generally don't talk about my job. Not even to my parents, my mom specifically. Which is something I normally do. In one sense it's good I'm relearning how to deal with things on my own but saddening to realize that I've become that much more closed with my parents.

Help?

"Ball of Confusion"-The Temptations (maybe)